Grace has a new BFF. Don’t get me wrong, she’s got lots of friends who she behaves very “bff” with. There’s Parker, Evan, Ari, C, and a few of the girls from her school. But up to now there has been no one that she’s talked about day and night even to the point of acting very desperate in her attempts to see them.

Until M moved in across the hall. They lived here for a full month before we realized there was a child living there! When Chris ran into M’s mommy on the stairwell one night, he ran in to tell me the news.

Chris: Her name is H, she’s got a 4 year old girl and she’s a stay-at-home mom!

I think he was quite excited. All weekend long he pushed for us to walk over there and introduce ourselves. I’m a bit socially awkward when it comes to this sort of thing. I get very anxious about being forced to meet people. But I knew it was going to be a good thing for her to have a friend so close.

So first thing Monday on our way out to run some errands we walked over to knock on the door. No answer. Grace was crushed, but I assured her that we would keep trying until we met them.

After we got home I dropped the groceries off inside and we walked the 30 feet or so to their door. Grace knocked and H answered. Immediately M walked up and said hi to Grace and invited her in to play. Before H and I had even had a chance to officially meet, Grace ran with M into the apartment and they’ve been best friends ever since.

It’s been awesome having them so close. We’ve had playdates and M has come over here to play and they’ve both gone to M’s house to play. Which means we’ve had some quiet time while the girls are at the others’ house. They play so well together too. They are very sweet. We walked to Pump It Up across the street and they held hands the entire time.

They are here for another month, as they just moved in while they’re looking for a house to rent in Union City. Luckily it’s not so far that we won’t still be able to get together, but we’re going to take advantage of the closeness for easy playdates while we can. It’s always great to meet new friends.
Welcome to the neighborhood BFF!

I had a horrible dream about a week ago. I kept wanting to blog about it but I just haven’t. Honestly, bringing back those terrible memories are not something I was wanting to do. But I do feel the need to share it.

I generally just have odd dreams. Not necessarily bad and I’ve never really had a dream where my children were in danger. I might have those “where did she go?” dreams but they never end badly.

I need to back up here. When I was younger (maybe a teenager or pre-teen) I used to have lots of recurring nightmares. There was always a common bond in these dreams.. mostly being separated from my family. I remember one dream where my family and I were in a large house (such as a school or dorm) in China and my dad was looking for a motorcycle. The building was on fire and I was trying to get him to leave but her didn’t want to leave without this motorcycle. In trying to get out, I’d also come across a room with a woman running a preschool. I remember trying to explain to her that the building was on fire and they needed to leave but she never listened to me. Most of my dreams like that ended with my father not making it out of the building and the lady and children not making it out either.

Another recurring dream was being away from my family and a mountain nearby exploding into a volcano. That was generally it for that dream. Just lots of running and panic while rumbling and smoke and ashes are all around.

When I got tired of having those dreams, for some reason I decided to start thinking about them more right when I’d wake up. Eventually I was able to start controlling my own actions in my dreams, or flatout just realizing I was dreaming and that there was no danger.

So, for example in that first dream.. I’d just push the teacher aside and lead the children outside myself. And I’d remember where the motorcycle was from the end of my dreams.. in time for my dad to safely make it outside. And in the volcano one.. I was just able to realize I was dreaming and stop the volcano from erupting. I know that seems weird but anyone who has had bad recurring dreams has probably heard of this. Recounting your bad dreams (or even keeping a dream journal) is a great way to get control of your dreams.

In any case, other than a few random spider/bug dreams over the years, I rarely have dreams that seriously disturb me. Now, when I do they have to do with family members dying or losing Chris or “misplacing” the girls (not losing them to death, but say.. in a shopping mall or something).

Okay, so now you understand one of the reasons this particular nightmare really disturbed me. I didn’t end up sleeping well at all that night.

In the first part of my dream, Chris and the girls and I are at home. It’s the night of the presidential election and I find myself realizing that I already know the outcome, yet am still nervous. (As in part of me realized this was a dream and that Obama was already going to win, but remember how nervous I was that day). We’re in a house that I later realize is in Arizona. The girls have gone to bed and we eventually follow. I get up later and realize that someone is in my house. I can never see him clearly to describe him and I can’t talk to him but I get feelings from him.  He is not friendly. He is not there to warn us against something. He is there to harm us. All of us. Throughout the night I try to tell Chris and he and I try to fight him off. He doesn’t hurt us, but won’t leave. I try to call 911 but am told that there is no way they can send anyone to our house.

I remember crying hysterically, panicking. At this point I go into the girls room to find this man hiding underneath Catherines bed. I don’t remember why we didn’t find some weapon.. but we didn’t. Then we called my mom. I don’t know why I thought she could help, but she’s a 911 dispatcher so maybe that was it. And she said “well, if they have no police officers to send they can’t send them”.. then we called Chris’ family and his sister who said “Oh yeah, that happened to us last week”.. I remember thinking “why is NOBODY concerned about this? Chris and I seemed to be the only ones panicking.

So his family and my  mom came over and we decided (since for some reason it never occured to us that now we had a huge number of people and should have been able to get this guy out) that my mom, Paula and I would take the girls over to Paula’s house.

On our way their we realized WHY there were no police officers available. There was total chaos and destruction everywhere. People looting, shooting, destroying everything. Not as in “zombies”  but just crazy. Somehow we made it to Paulas unhurt. Then for some reason I left Grace with Paula and went somewhere with my mom and Catherine.

When we were on our way back (having made it through the chaos unhurt) we realized that a volcano had erupted and there were tons of earthquakes. All of sudden everywhere around us exploded with lava. I told my mom to hurry up and back up but we weren’t fast enough. When I realized what was about to happen I frantically turned around in my seat to look at Cate, who was oblivious and just looked back at me. I thought “maybe I can get her out of her seat and toss her to a safer spot.. which of course was ridiculous. Then I thought about Grace, and prayed that they were in a spot that wouldn’t see this type of destruction. I tried to call Chris on my cell phone but just got dead air after I asked my dad (who was there with him for some reason to put Chris on the phone. I wanted to say goodbye and I didn’t get to.

Then the next thing I remember is trying to figure out a way to make it go faster. Because I didn’t want Cate to suffer. If there had been a poison tablet I could have made us swallow to kills us faster I think I would have.. it was the most horrible feeling ever. Realizing that I wouldn’t be able to keep my children safe.

I know that at the root of this nightmare is just all the uncertainties about the economy, and general stress right now. This is a very stressful time. It definitely has impacted my dreams (nightmares). But it was greatly unsettling and to this day I’m upset even remembering it. Remembering the frantic panicking while I tried to figure out a way to save my daughter from the hell that car was about to become.

I sincerely hope that is one nightmare that doesn’t become a recurring one.