I started taking Fenugreek in place of Reglan and I tell you what..once again herbs prove to me that there ARE alternatives to standard medications. I think it works BETTER than Reglan and I don't have the headaches as side effects. I do end up smelling like maple syrup though, but it's a worthwhile side effect. We still aren't able to solely breastfeed but it's still helping. I'm shocked sometimes that we're still at it. I think most people would have given up by now. That gives me comfort..

I'm also going back on the birth control pill, except this is a different form of the one I was on before. This one is for use while breastfeeding. We were just going to do the whole diaphram thing..(I may have spelled that wrong, who cares though). But I worry about not using it right. Plus it takes what is left of our sponteneity…and thats just too sad. I really really really don't want to get pregnant again either, so thats another selling point.

Grace is doing all kinds of wonderful sleeping at night!  She's going to bed between 8 and 9 and sleeping until about 3am, then she's going back down after eating and sleeping (usually) until about 7 or 8. Awesome! Please stick with it kid! Mommy is much happier on 8 hours of sleep. It makes the daytime colickyness much easier to deal with.

She's almost 2 months old already. Time has flown, just like many other parents warned me it would. I'm hoping that she'll gradually grow out of being colicky. I love it when she's happy…we see a little more of "That Grace" every day..signs that colic may be wearing down. But we still do have some trying times.

She still has ALL that hair. Unbelievable! It's lightening up lots..but I still think it will be darker brown. We'll see though.

Oh! Milestone announcement. We took Grace out to eat TWICE this weekend successfully…which is good because I really would love to go to Olive Garden soon! I miss their cheese ravioli! YUM!

Well, Reglan isn't working. Mostly because her appetite is STILL bigger than what I'm producing..not to mention that Reglan gives me HORRIBLE headaches and makes me a little depressed and I don't need any help in that area.

So, back to the drawing board..kind of. We're going to go back to supplementing and possibly stop breastfeeding altogether. It's just too stressful, and that in itself is a huge enemy for breastfeeding.

Plus, with her colickyness (which doesn't go away regardless of breastfeeding OR formula feeding) that means I'm stuck with a crying baby all day everyday, 24/7. Not that I don't love her, but I need a break. And with trying to breastfeed exclusively, that means no break.

So, we're doing what is best for us all around. I've been so wishy-washy on this subject because it's been so important to me. And everywhere I turn there is someone else reminding me how important it is.. So then I decide to give it another shot and I just have to remember that it's not going to happen.

Whoever said that "supply equals demand" when talking about breastfeeding is full of crap. For the last 7 days I've been feeding pretty much all day. I sit on the couch with my fancy pillow and my baby and she's attached most of the time.  I know my latch is good because for all that suckling my breasts aren't sore at all. And still, when she suckles in the day time, she never swallows..meaning, she has nothing to swallow.  Then only time there is anything is at night, when she goes 3-4 hours between feedings. Even in the day time, when 3 hours goes by there isn't much swallowing..maybe 30 seconds- a minute.

I hate this. It's the hardest decision I've ever had to make. But I can't do it anymore. Maybe if she wasn't crying all the time, I could set aside some precious energy for breastfeeding but I just don't have it in me to push it anymore.

I know that you're reading this and have been reading this throughout and know what is going on and you're probably thinking "make a decision already".. easier said than done.

Chris says that "whatever decision we make this time, we're sticking with".. Part of me just wants to wean her completely so that it's done..but I want her to get breastmilk for as long as I can. So, I think I'll continue to nurse her at night when I have plenty. And I'll bottle feed her during the day and pump when I need to, and I'll do this until my supply suffers from it.. I don't know what else to do. Trying Reglan, we've officially tried everything..

Well, my mom sent me this..and I thought it was cute..so I wanted to share. Something humorous in all this torment..hehe

In the beginning, God created the Heavens and the Earth and
populated the Earth with broccoli, cauliflower and spinach, green and yellow
and red vegetables of all kinds, so Man and Woman would live long and
healthy lives.

Then using God's great gifts, Satan created Ben and Jerry's
Ice Cream and Krispy Creme Donuts. And Satan said, "You want chocolate with
that?" And Man said, "Yes!" and Woman said, "and as long as
you're at it, add some sprinkles." And they gained 10 pounds. And Satan
smiled.

And God created the healthful yogurt that Woman might keep the
figure that Man found so fair.

And Satan brought forth white flour from the wheat, and sugar from the cane and combined them. And Woman went from size 6 to size 14. So God said, "Try my fresh green salad." And Satan presented Thousand-Island Dressing, buttery croutons and garlic toast
on the side. And Man and Woman unfastened their belts following the repast.

God then said, "I have sent you heart healthy vegetables and
olive oil in which to cook them."

And Satan brought forth deep fried fish
and Chicken-fried steak so big it needed its own platter. And Man gained
more weight and his cholesterol went through the roof.

God then created a light, fluffy white cake, named it "Angel
Food Cake," and said, "It is good."

Satan then created chocolate cake and
named it"Devil's Food."

God then brought forth running shoes so that His children
might lose those extra pounds.

And Satan gave cable TV with a remote control so Man would not
have to toil changing the channels. And Man and Woman laughed and cried
before the flickering blue light and gained pounds.

Then God brought forth the potato, naturally low in fat and
brimming with nutrition.

And Satan peeled off the healthful skin and sliced the starchy
center into chips and deep-fried them. And Man gained pounds.

God then gave lean beef so that Man might consume fewer
calories and still satisfy his appetite.

And Satan created McDonald's and its 99-cent double cheeseburger. Then said, "You want fries with that?" And Man replied, "Yes! And super size them!" And Satan said, "It is good."

And Man went into cardiac arrest.

God sighed and created quadruple bypass surgery.

Then Satan created HMOs.

Thought for the day:

There is more money being spent on breast implants and Viagra
today than on Alzheimer's research. This means that by 2040, there should be
a large elderly population with perky boobs and huge erections and
absolutely no recollection of what to do with them.

hehe

Well, we are giving breastfeeding another go. My doctor gave me a prescription for something called Reglan. Of couse, increasing milk supply isn't the main objective of this drug..it's actually a side effect. Women who've adopted babies can use this drug to help induce lactation to feed their new babies. I started yesterday..and I really think it's helping…

The one downside is that we're back to feeding every two hours (or more)..and it's exhausting. Both of us are in for a rough weekend.. and I HAVE to feed so often because it's important that even though the drug is increasing the production of prolactin (the hormone that induces milk production) that I'm also increasing stimulation, and continually emptying the breasts as well.

So.. while before..our plans were to leave Grace with a friend tonight and spend some time together..and I was supposed to go to a bridal shower today.. and do something special for Father's Day..now we're sequestered in our home and basically back to the newborn beck and call… We've just turned the clock back 7 weeks.. I sincerely hope this works…

 Well.. the last week and a half has been..well, tiring.

Grace is going through some kind of terrible phase and is using the nighttime hours for her several hours of fussiness and crying. We have tried all kinds of experiments with her feeding and formula to try and figure out what's causing it. So far, we've narrowed it down to the fact that I have too much foremilk and too fast a let-down and also that she sucks too hard..causing her to gulp and gasp..swallowing air that causes her gas. She's been doing much better since I started exlusively pumping and bottle feeding her both breastmilk and formula.

Mostly, her nights are better..but sometimes she still has a night like last night. It's been very hard, because you really want to not get frustrated with all the crying..especially in a house that is MOSTLY TILE..which makes it that much easier to echo off the walls… You really have to keep reminding yourself that she's hurting and just doesn't know how else to communicate that to you.

The tough thing about all this is just not knowing how to fix it..and knowing that probably nothing, but time and patience (hard to come by at 3am when all you want to do is close your eyes to the situation), will cure what ails her. She's 6 weeks old.. and since this could potentially last until she's 5-6 months old..it's a bit like standing on one side of the Grand Canyon..knowing that all you have to do..is get to the other side and things will be better.

It's also hard because for some reason..Chris is the one of us who can calm her when she's in the middle of a tantrum..which isn't convenient because he's the one who NEEDS To sleep at night..It's hard because I feel helpless when I can't comfort her at all..and I feel jealous when I pass her to Chris and he is able to soothe her to sleep.

But all in all.. I feel like things will never be "easy" again. Thats probably the biggest source of turmoil. Because then I feel guilty for thinking of the days before she was born with any kind of "longing"…I feel like she can sense that inner struggle that I have..because I love her more than anything..but I can't help but think about the freedom I left behind the day we drove to the hospital to give birth to her. I need someone to tell me this is normal. That it does get better..and that eventually she won't be so miserable with her upset stomach.. that someday I'll get more than 4 hours of sleep at a time.. that I'll actually look back on this time and MISS her being that small..and actually WANT to have another baby…

because right now..While I know that she is worth it.. and that when she smiles my whole world lights up.. I can't imagine EVER wanting to go through this again…

Here is a neat little "Fairy Tale" that my mom emailed me. I think it's the one that I'll be telling Grace as a bedtime story..when I'm not reading Harry Potter to her anyway….

Once upon a time,
~~~~~~~~
in a land far away,
~~~~~~~~
a beautiful, independent,
~~~~~~~~
self-assured princess
~~~~~~~~
happened upon a frog as she sat,
~~~~~~~~
contemplating ecological issues
~~~~~~~~
on the shores of an unpolluted pond
~~~~~~~~
in a verdant meadow near her castle.
~~~~~~~~
The frog hopped into the princess' lap
~~~~~~~~
and said:" Elegant Lady,
~~~~~~~~
I was once a handsome prince,
~~~~~~~~
until an evil witch cast a spell upon me.
~~~~~~~~
One kiss from you, however,
~~~~~~~~
and I will turn back
~~~~~~~~
into the dapper, young prince that I am
~~~~~~~~
and then, my sweet, we can marry
~~~~~~~~
and set up housekeeping in your castle
~~~~~~~~
with my mother,
~~~~~~~~
where you can prepare my meals,
~~~~~~~~
clean my clothes, bear my children,
~~~~~~~~
and forever
~~~~~~~~
feel grateful and happy doing so. "
~~~~~~~~
That night,
~~~~~~~~
as the princess dined sumptuously
~~~~~~~~
on lightly sautéed frog legs
~~~~~~~~
seasoned in a white wine
~~~~~~~
and onion cream sauce,
~~~~~~~~
she chuckled and thought to herself:
~~~~~~~~
I don't freaking think so.

Yeah…

Well I wanted to check to see if my belly button piercing had closed up during the nine months that I had my ring out. It was still open! I got it right in.. I know that doesn't sound like much and it will be along time before I show it off (especially because I still have that dark line that goes from my belly button down that came from the pregnancy..when does that thing go away anyway?).. but I've always liked it and was actually a little upset when I had to take it out. So I'm pretty excited that I can still where my ring. For me, thats as great as wearing a pair of jeans that I wore pre-pregnancy (which of course, I'm not yet..).. 

Grace slept from 12am to 5am and then from 5:30 to 9am.. YES! I got the best sleep ever..and in my own bed and everything!! I know better than to hope this is the start of a new era..but it was great while it lasted…

Our little Grace is one month old (as of yesterday).

At her doctor's appointment we found that she weighs 12lbs 5oz and is 24 inches long.
So, at birth she was 10lbs, and 22 inches long..creating a difference of

2lbs 5oz and 2inches in length. Thats awesome! We're so glad we bounced back from the first 2 weeks!

We've also switched formulas (well, I just bought the new stuff..haven't tried it yet).

We were using Enfamil Lipil with Iron. But I had heard so many good things about Carnation Good Start that we talked about buying it the next time we buy formula. My doctor today recommended it though to help with easing any gas she is getting from formula, since it's known to be much more gentle on their immature systems than other formulas. So we decided to get it now, and save the rest of our Enfamil for an emergency. Luckily it's also much less expensive at $18.00 per can compared to $25.00 per can. We'll keep you posted on that.

We also got the green light from the pediatrician about Hawaii next month, and she's having her next set of immunizations right before we leave. Her only recommendation was to nurse on take-off and landing to ease her discomfort with the air pressure change.

Breastfeeding is going better. The pain is easing everyday, and it seems as though my supply is increasing some everyday as well. Hopefully this will continue to increase and we can cease the supplementing, but if not..she's doing well either way.

So, those of you who "know" me know that ice cream is just about number one on my list of favorite things..It's probably my favorite food..and I'm not biased on flavors either..I'd love a coffee just as much as I'd love a cherry vanilla.

Well, today on the way home from Grace's doctors' appt (more on that in the next post) I stopped by a place I'd heard about on the news…It's called the Gelato Spot.

Now Gelato isn't really ice cream, since it's traditionally NOT made with cream, however Gelato IS the italian word FOR ice cream.. Traditional Gelato is actually made with milk. The creamy, thick consistency comes from the method in which gelato is created. Most ice creams are made by whipping up the volume of the product by approximately 90-95%. What that means is when you're enjoying your favorite Baskin Robbins flavor, you're enjoying just as much as air as your are cream. Gelato does not have nearly as much air beat in. So even though it's not made with a heavy cream (making it lower in fat than most ice creams), you're actually getting just as creamy (if not creamier) a flavor and texture as ice cream.

Gelato is a somewhat new thing here in the valley. There are just a handful of places that sell it..and they certainly aren't on every corner like Cold Stone Creamery, Dairy Queen and Maggie Moos. But it are certainly worth checking out!

The Gelato Spot is a very clean, neat little place on 31st street and Camelback. They feature a huge variety of Gelato-based desserts for just about every set of tastebuds. You walk in and are right in front of a long cabinet filled with stainless steel tubs of fluffy, colorful creations. These aren't your everyday chocolate, vanilla and strawberry varieties either, though you can certainly have these popular favorites. Everything from tirimasu to canteloupe can be found, and all are available for sampling. Each delectible delight is decorated with carved fruits and candies representing it's flavor. Pineapple gelato is presented with slices of pineapple atop rippled mounds of the creamy confection. Chocolate has ribbons of fudge drizzled over the surface.

There seemed to be just about every fruit flavor imaginable, things like mango, kiwi and black cherry. You can get it in cups or cones, and with toppings or plain. I generally lean towards the chocolate and coffee flavors but since I'm breastfeeding I decided to taste the Toasted Almond, and the Coconut flavors. YUM! I chose a half and half combo for my cup. Price-wise they are no better or worse than your average ice-cream parlour, but a word to the wise. I LOVE frozen desserts such as this and went with the large..but the rich dessert would have done just as well in a medium or small. Thats where the value is greater! You do not need as much to satisfy your sweet tooth, saving you both calories and money.

Another great point? Grace was happy and content the entire time I sat and enjoyed my treat. A coincidence, or another sweet-tooth in the making? Check out a gelato shop near you, or stop into The Gelato Spot the next time your in the Camelback Corridor. It's completely worth it!